Trust Me
by Maybelline1802
Summary: Maddison. Some Lexzie. After Derek left New York, Mark and Addison had a daughter. Now, 7 years later, her possible medical issue sends them to Seattle, only to discover that Derek has been there this whole time. Will involve everyone.
1. Chapter 1

Hello again everyone! Here's the new fic I promised I'd write :) I'm writing this with **sillybillyxo**, actually. (You should all read her stuff, it's great).

This is going to be Maddison centred, but everyone will be involved a bit later in the story. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Grey's Anatomy. We're just obsessed.

* * *

"Larissa, if you don't hurry up, we're going to be late," I called upstairs to my six year old daughter. She was quite possibly the slowest dresser in the world.

"Coming, Mum," she said as she came down the stairs. The buttons on her shirt were done up crookedly. I sighed, trying to hide my smile beneath a veneer of annoyance. I quickly fixed her daughter's buttons, and then used a misplaced barrette to pull a stray red curl back from her face. I often wondered why her hair was so curly. Mark didn't have curly hair, and I most certainly didn't.

Mark placed a coffee cup in my hand, like he did most mornings. I didn't thank him – we'd gone beyond that in our seven year relationship. Derek had left seven years ago without looking back. We hadn't spoken in seven years. I really didn't plan on it either. I didn't even know where he was. I only knew that he left, and I was still in New York with Mark.

I set down my bag and fixed my skirt with one hand while Larissa slowly tied her shoes. Mark kissed my cheek before he walked out the door, "Bye, hon."

"Bye," I said, leaning into him slightly. Larissa finally stood up. "Ready?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, pulling her Care Bears backpack on and sighing. She slowly walked out the door.

"Baby, are you ok?" I asked, putting a hand to my daughter's forehead.

Larissa looked up at me with huge eyes that I noted were missing their usual mischievous sparkle. "I'm fine mummy," she sighed, trying to shrug off my hand. She felt a little warm, but that could be just me.

"I think you should stay home today, sweetie," my eyebrows came together.

"I can't! It's my turn at show' n' tell!" she exclaimed, "Dad promised he'd come."

I'd forgotten about that. She'd been talking about it for weeks, I should have remembered, especially because she'd asked to bring in my surgical tools approximately one hundred and twenty seven times. I couldn't let her bring in scalpels, so I'd offered Mark instead. I sighed, "Fine, you can go to school, but the moment you start feeling icky, you call me at the hospital, ok?"

"Yes," she nodded happily, and I shooed her out the door, grabbing my keys out of the hand crafted bowl on the entrance table.

The car ride was quiet. I bit my lip as I glanced again and again at Larissa in my rear-view mirror. She looked fine right now. A little sleepy, but it was early in the morning still. I focused on the road. I had twins conjoined at the head that I had to deliver this morning, and I the surgery was so complex. As much as I hated to think it, I couldn't afford to worry about Larissa, who was usually the first to complain when she wasn't feeling well.

"Bye, Mum," she said as she slid out of the car. I waited for the slam that usually accompanied her exit, but it wasn't there.

"Bye, sweetie," I said quietly as I watched her walk away to join her friends. I really hoped Mark would show up for the appropriate time. I decided to call him just in case.

"Hi, Addie," Mark's voice answered after the umpteenth ring. I loved his voice, and thus was able to push past the annoyance that was present behind the husky rhythm I'd become so accustomed to. "What do you want?"

"Hi Mark, I was just making sure that you remembered you have to go to Larissa's class today. She's really excited about it. No one mentioned anything this morning, so I thought I'd just check in. You won't be able to find me once I get to work," I said, once again remembering the conjoined twins.

There was a long pause on the other end, and I heard a woman's voice in the background. I shrugged it off. It was, after all, a hospital where lots of people walk around and talk. She could be a nurse handing a chart to an intern, for all I knew.

"You forgot," I sighed.

"No, no, I didn't," he protested. He tried so hard to be a great dad, but it just didn't come easily to him at all.

"Ok then," I said, letting it slide. As long as he showed up, it didn't matter if he forgot… right? "You'll be there at ten o'clock. Oh, and I don't think she's feeling very well. Keep an eye on her, but don't embarrass her in front of the class."

"Alright," Mark said, and the phone line clicked dead.

I sighed. There were some days when I felt like Mark and I fit so well together, like everything was perfect. Then there were the days when I felt like I was grasping desperately to hold onto whatever was stable in our relationship. This was going to be a day like the latter.

I stomped on the breaks and leaned on the horn as a flashy little sports car abruptly pulled in front of me. "Moron!" I said quietly to myself. Hitting my turn signal, I habitually moved into the lane that would allow me to turn off to the hospital.

* * *

Maybelline&SillyBilly


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys... it's sillybillyxo. So basically, me and Maybelline are taking turns writing the chapters. Right now, the Addison chapters are Maybelline's and the Mark chapters are mine. Okay enjoy and please review

* * *

**Chapter Two**

"Alright…" I say hesitantly as I click the line dead. Shit, Addie was right. I had forgotten about visiting Larissa's class today.

But if that wasn't bad enough, to have forgotten my promise to my own daughter, I also was _caught_ forgetting about it by my girlfriend while in the midst of cheating on her with some skanky Peds intern. Fuck, why did I have to be such an idiot? I have the two most amazing women in my life, better than anyone I could have ever hoped to have. My girlfriend and my daughter, I love them both so much. Yet it seems like I am determined to fuck it up. I'm constantly trying to be the man they need me to be, I'm trying so hard, but I'm so weak sometimes, it hurts.

"Charlene," I tell the intern as I snap out of my thoughts and proceed to pull my shirt back over my head, "I'm sorry, I gotta go."

"It's Cindy!" she hisses back at me, also beginning to dress.

"Cindy, right, sorry. I've got this thing I forgot about, so, maybe some other time..." I'm such a coward I can barely stand it. I can no longer even lie to myself, pretending like there won't be "another time"; like this is some sort of isolated incident. I've gotten over lying to myself about it by now and that's the worst part of all: I've given up hope.

"Whatever, Sloane," she calls back at me on her way out the door, slamming it so hard behind her the blinds rattle.

I watch her exit as I collapse back down into my office chair, sliding my face behind my hands. I know I've got to get my shit together one of these days, but I'm starting to feel like that's more and more of an impossibility. I know I love Addison, and I know she loves me, but sometimes it's just so hard. She's an amazing girlfriend and mother, but sometimes, I just feel like there's this wall between us, like she's trying to keep me at a safe distance.

I know that's the kind of pain that comes along with your husband disappearing from your life in a blink of an eye, I don't blame her for it. Having a husband for 11 years of your life not speak a word to you for seven would take its toll on anyone. But God, sometimes I wish she would just let me in and stop being so damn guarded, like she doesn't realize that I could help. I finger the oak paneling on my desk with a sigh, and attempt to prepare some stuff for Larissa's class today.

* * *

An hour later, I arrive at Larissa's school, entering a classroom filled with gap-toothed, wide-eyed little kindergartners, staring up at me with awe. 

"Daddy!" I see my redheaded little daughter chirp from her seat, as she runs towards me, hugging my legs.

I smile down at her, her gorgeous red curls perfectly placed. She's so beautiful, just like her mother. "Hey there sweetheart," I smile at her. God, I love her. I may not be winning World's Best Father anytime soon, but little Lissy is the reason I wake up in the mornings. She's everything.

I kneel down to her level, taking her tiny hand in mine. "Lissy, maybe you should go back to your seat, okay? You don't want to get in trouble from your teacher, do you?" I ask, casting a wink towards her teacher, who was sitting watching from her desk.

Larissa pouted sadly at me. She always had such a strong attachment to us. She was an only child, and this was her first year at school. It was still such a hassle to try and get her to even go at all; she couldn't seem to stand being away from us for even a second.

"Larissa," the voice of her teacher softly cooed, "how about you take a seat right there in the front row, would that be better?" She smiled gleefully and hopped behind the desk as the teacher proceeded to introduce me. "Now children, we have a _very_ special guest with us today for our show and tell presentation. Larissa's father, a doctor, is here to tell us all about his job. So I want everyone to pay very close attention."

I smile as I watch the faces of all Larissa's classmates, staring at me in amazement. I almost feel jealous of them. They're so innocent, so carefree, they don't have to deal with the hardships of life yet, all they have is the good stuff. I still feel like I act like one of those most of the time. I can't believe I have 6-year old of my own.

I watch one scruffy-haired blonde boy raise his hand, and I nod at him. "Are you _really_ a doctor?" he asks seriously, and I fight to hold back a laugh. "Yes, I really am," I smile. "Wow," he continues, "I wish I was a doctor!" These kids are adorable.

Another little girl raises her hand. "So, do you get to save people's lives every day?" she asks. Oh god, if you call giving superficial middle-aged women tummy tucks and boob jobs they don't even need "saving", then yes. "Of course," I lie through my teeth. These kids are way too young and innocent to learn about the fucked up world of plastics.

"People come into the hospital, and I fix them up. Its great being able to save lives like that," I continue to ramble on and bullshit about the wonders of being a doctor as the kids smile back at me in awe. Its kind of fun to lie like this, and I wonder when I stopped caring about saving peoples lives and starting caring about making money. Or maybe that's the reason I became a doctor in the first place, I'm really not sure anymore, it seems like forever ago. It sounds like something I would do though, become a doctor to make money. I almost laugh at the irony of it all. These kids are looking at me like I'm some kind of hero, and what do I do to deserve it? Suck the fat out of the asses of people to lazy to hit the gym once a week? It's pathetic.

Out of the corner of my eye though, I notice Larissa, who has for some reason stopped smiling at me. It takes me a few seconds to notice how pale she looks, and before I can register what's happening, she slides out of her desk chair and smacks against the floor with a deafening thud.

My mind racing, I rush over to her, her tiny body crumpled in a heap on the floor. "Larissa!" I yell as I bend down and take her pulse with my fingers. The kids form a circle around me and I try to slip into doctor mode, but I can't seem to remember what I should do. "Larissa, Lissy, baby, please wake up," I say desperately. Everything swirls about me in slow motion, and all I can think about is that the thing I love most in this whole world is lying against the linoleum floor unconscious and I'm scared to death. "Call 911!" I yell at her teacher as she scuttles toward the phone. I have no idea what to do. I feel like crying and screaming and punching a hole through a brick wall all at the same time, yet I can't do anything but remain there, by her side, and try and wake her up.


	3. Chapter 3

Here's chapter three! It's Derek's POV (btw, this is May), to let you know what Seattle life is like without Addison and Mark.

Thank you all for your reviews, you're wonderful people that I'd like to hug. Enjoy :)

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd, to OR 2, Dr. Shepherd to OR 2," I heard my voice crackle over the intercom. Looks like Mr. Harvey's swelling didn't go down. I sighed before leaning across the table to give Meredith a quick kiss.

"I guess you have to go, huh," she said. She'd been excited; they hadn't eaten lunch together in several weeks. Lots of crazy people doing stupid things and falling on their heads creates a full OR board. At least, with Meredith an attending now, Derek was filling out his neurosurgery department, and was able to pass off many surgeries to her.

"Yeah, Mr. Harvey, I think," I checked my pager, which went of and confirmed my suspicions. "Rain check?"

"It'll have to be. I'll see you at home. Try to be home early tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll try," I smiled. I hated that we always had to squeeze in dinner at nine, or a lunch in the hallway between consults and surgeries. It was ok though, because no matter how tired we were, we would crawl into bed together at the end of the day. I'd hold her, and we'd talk for a bit before we fell asleep. I was very careful not to make the same mistakes with her that I had with Addison.

She didn't know about Addison yet. I didn't know if I'm ever going to tell her. I didn't want to bring Addie back into my life. I thought about her almost every day: I wonder where she's at; maybe she's still with Mark. I never will forget her. I know I don't love her. I thought I did, but Meredith is the one for me. She taught me real love. It's a little bit late now anyway, after seven years have gone by, to inform her 'oh, right, I'm married still.'

On my way to OR 2 I passed the happily married Burke and Christina who were (ironically) fighting about a heart transplant patient over coffee at the nurses' station. "Dr. Burke," I nodded as I passed. It was funny to watch them both respond. I'd been enjoying this bizarre part of my day for more than five years, and it never got old.

"Dr. Shepherd," they both replied before going back to their debate.

The brisk pace of the OR catapulted me into surgeon mode. I scrubbed in methodically and stepped into the OR. "Alright everyone, it's a beautiful afternoon to save lives. Let's have some fun."

The world drifted away as I worked to relieve the pressure in Mr. Harvey's brain. This was a routine surgery: I allowed my mind to drift slightly. I contemplated where I was now. Thoughts came rushing back:

"_We're not Derek and Addison anymore."_

"_If you go now – if you go now, we aren't going to get through this."_

I lost my best friend and my wife that night. What struck me the worst about the whole situation was that after I met Meredith, none of that seemed nearly as terrible.

"_You really love yourself, don't you?"_

"_Just hiding my pain."_

She never knew how true that remark was. But wow, the night I saw her in that bar. She was everything. I knew it. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the love of my life comes with friends.

George O'Malley was really something. Fiercely protective of Meredith, he'd never let me near her when we'd had a fight and Meredith was hurting. He was working under Miranda Bailey now in general surgery. Somewhere in his residency, his attitude towards my relationship with Meredith had changed. He met who is now the head of orthopaedic surgery: Callie Torres. They'd gotten married last year, and George had moved out of Meredith's house, much to the sadness of his best friend.

Isobel Stevens was working in the neo-natal department. She'd gone to New York to work in a private clinic for her fellowship for a few years. I had always wondered if she'd met Addison while she was there. Hell, if she's in neo-natal, she could have been trained by Addison. Being a neo-natal surgeon in New York surely meant she'd heard of her. I didn't want to think about it. She'd moved back to Seattle last year, and she and Alex Karev were now, once again, a very cute couple.

More nights than not, Alex was over at Meredith's house, sometimes when Izzie wasn't even there. Now, the young man was a cocky, but undeniably talented, plastics attending that reminded me of my best friend every time I saw him. He had recently gained the reputation of 'the next Mark Sloane'; something I could live without constantly hearing. Seattle was a tough place to be when it reminded me about my past life every day.

"Well done, everyone," I smiled as I closed up. I'd relieved the swelling and everything was fine. He could probably go home in a couple of days. I nodded to the pretty young intern that was assigned to my service this week. She was incredibly smart, and persistent. She in fact, reminded me of Christina Yang when she was an intern. Although, she really hasn't changed much: she was still the same, super competitive and socio-emotionally retarded woman that he'd met as Meredith's best friend.

I scrubbed out and went to find the chief. I had to discuss the possibility of a new MRI machine. I was worried that one day, very soon, it would break down and I'd have to fly blind into an emergency surgery. Flying blind was not fun.

I walked down the corridor, approaching Richard's office door. I knocked and heard his voice inviting me in. There, in his office, were two people that I never wanted to see ever again in my life.

* * *

Hehe, I wonder who those people could be?

Maybelline&SillyBilly


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys… may I just say, thank you SO MUCH for the fantastic reviews. Really, the reviews are what compel us to write, knowing people like this story and wanna read what happens. You guys are so awesome : ) hee hee thanks.

Okay so, Mark's point of view again. I'm sorry for the incredible amounts of angst. Oh and guys, don't worry… it's very "Mark-friendly". I know the cheating and stuff concerned you, but seriously there is a reason for it. Mark has issues, as does Addie, and as the story progresses they are going to learn to deal with them, that's really our main focus.

Okay enjoy & review puh-leassseeee, hee. ♡♡♡ **sillybillyxo**

* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

Exhaling deeply, I finally let my body relax, resting my head back against my plane seat. Although it's been hours, I feel like I haven't actually taken a breath since seeing Larissa tumble out of her desk. Nonstop adrenaline has been pumping through my veins for the duration of the night, and my body is in a state of shock it can't shake out of. Gripping my armrests, I try to relax. 

It comes back to me like in a blur, feeling more like a nightmare than actual reality. I just remember it all in horrifying flashes: Larissa fainting in her classroom, waiting helplessly at her school for the ambulance, comforting Addie in the lobby of the hospital as she had tests done, looking over her charts as she lay pale and limp in a patient bed, and talking with her doctors about what they think is wrong with her. Her kidneys are failing. She's fucking six years old, and her kidneys are failing.

The injustice of it unnerving. It's a good thing I went in to plastics. I know I wouldn't be able to stomach seeing this shit happen to innocent, undeserving kids like Larissa every day. I look over at her, curled up into a tiny ball, fast asleep in her window seat. I reach over to stroke her cheek softly with my thumb. She looks so small and lifeless; it makes me sick.

I can't help feeling responsible for this. I'm a doctor, I should have taken notice earlier. I should have paid more attention to my daughter, while I still had the time to be with her. Now… I'm not so sure how much time she has left. I try to will those thoughts away from my mind and the tears threatening to fall from my eyes to remain. I force myself to think she will be okay, but the truth is, I have no idea, and I'm terrified.

We still aren't clear on her exact diagnosis. As soon as we found out it was her kidneys, Addison wasted no time in firing an email off to Richard Webber's Blackberry and booking the next available flight to Seattle. We didn't want to waste time doing tests we could just as easily get done there, although it's pretty clear what's wrong with her. We just don't know how bad it is yet. But, Richard is the very best general surgeon out there. If anyone has to operate on your daughter, you want it to be him.

"Mark," I hear Addison utter softly. I turn away from Larissa to face her, taking in her tear-stained cheeks and uncharacteristically disheveled appearance. I grasp her hand firmly in mine, squeezing it as I close my eyes.

"She's our daughter, Addie…" I trail off. I've never felt so lost in my whole life. I have no idea how to act, what to think, what words I should be saying. All I can do is sit and stare helplessly, wishing I could go back to yesterday.

"I know," Addison murmurs, rubbing my forearm softly. She always knows just what to do to comfort me, even if I am beyond comfort at this point. I feel the emotion inside me start to build up, and to avoid having her see my face, I draw her close to me, pulling her head under my chin and wrapping my arms around her.

I haven't cried since I was 14 years old. I came close the day Larissa was born, but it was nothing like right now. What I'm feeling right now is something I have never even come close to experiencing before; it's something I never thought I would have to experience. I never even thought I'd even _have_ kids, let alone have to worry if they might live to see next week. I bite down hard on my bottom lip to calm myself, and bury my nose in Addison's hair. I want to say something, anything to her, but I fear my voice breaking.

"Sweetie," she says, pulling away from me, "this isn't your fault, and it isn't mine. It's no ones fault, you have to remember that." I avert my gaze to the floor, wondering why my thoughts are so easy for Addison to read.

"I saw her _faint_, Addie. I saw her lying there, unconscious on the ground and I couldn't do anything but sit there and watch. I'm a doctor, I should have noticed this before today Addie, the signs were always there. She's always been small, so much smaller than the other kids her age, even though we're both over 5'11. She's always had an over-active bladder, and she's always been easy to bleed, even at the smallest scratch or knee bump," I say, ticking the problems off on my fingers as I go along. "The symptoms of serious kidney problems had always been there, and I ignored them. She needed me to be there for her, to protect her. She needed me to be her father and I wasn't."

I watched her eyes fill with tears again, but she blinked them back. "She's my baby – our baby – and she's sick. It's not just you ignoring the signs. I ignored them too, all of them. There is a reason doctors aren't allowed to treat their own family members. For god's sake, I'm a neo-natal surgeon. You think I would have noticed this in my child?" I see her shake her head out of the corner of my eye. "You're such a better father than you think you are, Mark."

"Look at me," Addison says, as I feel her pull my chin up, tearing my gaze away from the floor. I look into her eyes and she stares back into mine, reassuring me, "there is _nothing_ you could have done."

I swallow hard and embrace her again. I know she's right, but it doesn't make this any easier. "I'm scared, Addie," I whisper.

"I know," she strains to say as I feel her hug me back. "I'm scared too."

I look back over at my sleeping daughter, the lack of colour in her usually flushed cheeks still making my stomach turn. You have to make it out of this alive, I think. You have to get better, or I'll never be able to forgive myself.

* * *

The next morning, I find myself sitting in Richard Webber's office at Seattle Grace hospital, Addison at my side, waiting to hear the results of Larissa's labs. He got her into a patient room and a bed as soon as we got here, and she's been sleeping ever since. I feel so protective of her, like I want to be with her at all times, but in this moment I would probably be doing more damage than good. I'm a nervous wreck, and I don't want to scare her anymore. She's already going to be waking up in a strange city, in a hospital bed, after just having tons of labs done, not to mention that a surgery will most likely follow. But I just have an urge to just give her the attention she should have gotten a long time ago, when I could have prevented this. 

I watch Webber as he sits behind his desk, his hands clasped and chewing on his bottom lip. I can almost picture him giving him diagnosis before he even speaks. He's obviously trying to find the easiest way to deliver some bad news, I know that face. "Larissa has polycystic kidney disease," he finally utters.

I feel a lump forming in the back of my throat as he confirms our fears. I look over at Addison, she's visibly shattered by the news. "PKD…" I hear her say. I'm not sure if its confirmation or a question, all I know is that expecting it didn't make it any easier to hear, for either of us.

"Can you tell from the labs… I mean… how far advanced?" I finally choke out. I know it has to be bad, or else it wouldn't be so hard for him to tell us. I don't want to hear what he has to say, but it needs to be said.

"I can't tell for sure from the X-Rays, but… I can see enough. The cysts inside her kidneys are quite numerous. I'll have to open her up to see if I can actually remove them, but if I can't…"

I nod silently, reaching under the chair for Addison's hand, and she grasps back tightly.

Webber gathers himself, and continues in the most soothing voice he can muster. "If I can't remove the cysts, she will need a transplant." Addison's squeezing my hand tighter now.

Noticing Addison's threatening tears, he leans forward on his desk. "I am going to do absolutely everything I can."

I just nod again, immediately dropping my eyes downwards. I focus intently on my shoes, on their black shine, at the tiny speck of dirt crusting the side, anything. Anything to distract myself. I feel like I'm not even here. Like all this stuff is happening to someone else and I'm just watching as this sad sap hears that his daughter is possibly dying. I grit my teeth angrily. I just want to wake up; I just want this to end.

"When's her surgery?" Addie asks, meeting his gaze and composing herself slightly.

"This afternoon," he replies. I still can't look up and face them. I can't see Addison crying, I can't see Webber reassuring her and I can't hear them saying all these things that I still can't believe are true.

"Oh Richard, I can't thank you enough for doing this, I know it was short notice."

But Webber visibly tensed at her comment, piquing my curiosity. "About that… we need to talk. All of us do," he said, briefly making eye contact with me. "I know this isn't the best time to hear this, and that you are already dealing with a lot… but you came on such short notice that, well, I see no other way around it."

Addison blinked her tears away, now distracted from our daughter's issue for the time being. "What?"

"I know I should have told you before, I know. But you seemed so happy with Mark here, and then when Dr. Stevens came back from New York, she told me you had been doing just fine. You had a daughter, and a life, and I did what I thought was right at the time, considering everyone involved." He sighed, running a hand over his white hair.

Now I was really starting to wonder what was going on. "Richard, you're starting to scare me," Addison laughed slightly. I catch Webber's eyes as they jolt up to stare at the door, and I turn around to see what he's looking at.

"Come in, Derek."

Oh. My. God.


	5. Chapter 5

Well, I hope this can follow SillyBilly's amazing chapter. Thank you all once again for your awesome reviews :) Keep it up; it encourages us to write. Anyway, here's the next chap! Enjoy.

* * *

"Derek," I breathed. I'd thought Richard had sounded hesitant on the phone when I'd wanted to fly my baby out here to Seattle, but I'd ignored it; just like everything else in my life. I'm untouchable when living in the bliss that ignorance provides. "Have you been here the whole time?"

As it always was, his face transparently displayed exactly what he was thinking. Even after seven years, I could tell what was going on in his head. Some shock, some fury – mostly directed at Richard, I think – and… yeah, that was horror. I thought that if I ever saw him again, he'd be shocked, angry even. I never, ever anticipated horror though. I must have hurt him more than I thought.

Addressing neither Mark nor me, he turned to Richard. "What is she doing here?" he hissed. He'd always had a temper.

"I never knew she was coming," Richard informed him simply and honestly. He'd given me heck moments before, telling him that he'd needed some warning. Before he could tell us why he'd needed warning… Derek had walked in.

"You never told me she was coming," he said, his voice rising.

"Derek, calm down!" Richard said, "Shut the door, right now." He'd always had that way of speaking that made you feel like a child.

I clasped my hands tightly in my lap, my fingernails leaving behind painful white crescent moons in my palms. Playing it as coolly as possible, I waited for the explosion that I knew was going to happen. I shut my eyes and sighed as out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mark stand up.

"With all due respect, Richard," he said, "You should have told us that this guy was here when we insisted on bringing Larissa out here." There was an almost triumphant look on his face as he watched Derek's expression change.

"Larissa?" Derek's face paled. He knew there was only one reason we would bring a person out here.

"Smooth, Mark," I shook my head at him in disbelief. He'd only said that to hurt Derek. For hurting me, I'd like to think. Turning to Derek, I said softly, "We have a daughter, Mark and I. Her name is Larissa. She's six."

"You certainly didn't waste any time," he said. "Oh, wait, you didn't waste any time at all! You started this when we were still married!"

That stung. I hesitated, and pointed out, "We are still married."

"We'll have to get that sorted out, won't we?" I noticed he wasn't wearing his wedding band anymore either. I'd taken off my rings about six years ago, just before Larissa was born. I wondered how much time he'd taken to decided to remove it. From the looks of the even tone on his skin with no trace of a ring tan… it hadn't taken him long.

"You're just as much to blame in this, Derek," I said, finally finding my voice.

"What are you talking about, Addison? He's all to blame!" Mark exclaimed.

"Mark!" I shut my eyes, trying to regain control, "Please, just give me a minute!"

Richard nodded to the office door as he stood up. Mark shook his head, but Richard gave him a death glare that quieted Mark immediately. They left the room, giving Derek and me a moment to fight this out.

"You never told me where you were going. You never gave me a chance to show you how sorry I was. You never answered my calls to your cell phone. You got a new cell phone for god's sake!" I was on a roll. He opened his mouth to talk, but I never gave him a chance, exactly like he never gave me one. "I tried to tell you I was pregnant. I gave you the chance. You blew it. That's not my fault. I may have made the mistake that set the ball rolling, but you… you gave up like I never mattered to you at all."

It felt so good to get that out. I watched him process this attack for a brief moment before he fired out a response.

"I blew it? You slept with my best friend and all you can say is that it's not your fault? I can't believe you, Addison," he turned around for a moment, running his hands through his greying hair. I'd loved that hair, once upon a time. Not anymore though. Seeing him, it struck me like a ton of bricks: I didn't love Derek. I don't love any part of him. Not that hair he took such pride in – which really wasn't that great anyway – not his temper. I wondered how we'd come to think that we were The Ones for each other.

"It doesn't matter if I had a child with Mark, Derek. It has nothing to do with you, not if you're not even wearing your ring anymore. What did you tell Richard when you came out here? I've been having conversations with him for years. He knew what had happened, he knew you had left. Not once did he tell me that you were here."

"I asked him not to. I told him we'd separated, and we didn't want to see each other."

"Speak for yourself in the future, please, Derek. God, don't you ever think about anyone else?"

A funny look crossed his face. I don't know how, but in that exact moment I knew there was someone. He'd met someone here, and it wasn't that he didn't want to talk to me. It was that he didn't want me to know about her. I hated that even after so many years apart, I could still tell exactly what was going on with her.

"There's someone else."

"What did Richard tell you?" he became defensive.

I sighed, exasperated, "Nothing! I can just tell. Who is she?"

"It is none of your business, Addison," was the glib response I received from him. "I still need to know why. Why did you have a baby with him, of all people?"

"Maybe I just wanted to move on with my life. I don't know. But this little girl, she is everything to me. And right now, she is very sick. I need to go see her, because she's probably terrified." I began to walk backwards towards the door, pointing my finger at him to emphasize my next words, "When this is over, I want those divorce papers. I'll sign them. I want us to be a thing of the past that can stop screwing with my life."

"Good thing that's what I want too," was the last I heard from him as I strode past a shocked looking Mark and Richard.

I entered the room where we'd left Larissa. She was sitting up and chatting to an intern that was checking her monitors. "Hi, Mummy," she grinned, "Dr. Michaels gave me a popsicle!" she waved the bright purple popsicle in the air. I smiled, and felt the tension of my confrontation with Derek melt away as the popsicle melted onto my baby's hand.

"Hi, Liss," I brushed her hair off her forehead and she squeezed my finger. "How's it going?"

"I'm good. I have a popsicle."

I love that simple things can make this girl happy. She's gone through so much in the past thirty-six hours and still, all it takes is a popsicle to bring a smile to her face. "How's she doing?" I asked Dr. Michaels.

"As well as can be expected," she said with a half smile.

I reached over Larissa's hospital bed and introduced myself; "Hi, I'm Addison Montgomery."

The intern took my hand with a slight look of awe on her face, "Are you that – that neonatal surgeon?" she asked, "from New York, right?"

I forced myself to smile. I knew I would always get this; it was a price to pay for success, "Yes, I am."

"Wow, Dr. Stevens was talking about you. She says you're phenomenal."

"Dr. – Dr. Stevens? She works here?" I asked, shocked. She'd done so well during her fellowship. Then she'd left, but I never knew where she was going. She was destined for great things, that woman; amazingly talented and such a hard worker.

"Yes she does. She's the Head of Neo-Natal. Richard says that our neo-natal department was almost non-existent before she came back to Seattle Grace, trained by no one but the best."

"I'm glad she's had so much success," I said earnestly. I really was happy.

"Well, I have to go," the intern said, "My resident is paging me. It's so nice to meet you!" she said as she left the room with a big smile, a whirlwind of kind gestures and bobbing brunette curls.

I sat down next to Larissa and pulled her favourite book out of her backpack on the floor. It was Winnie the Pooh. I began to read to her, and she soon fell asleep. All the excitement was exhausting. I removed the finished popsicle stick from her hand and gently wiped her hands and face with a warm cloth to remove all of the purple stickiness that seemed to accompany childhood.

I watched her sleep for a moment before noticing how tired I was myself. I yawned, and figured it would be better to get coffee than fall asleep here. Stretching, I slipped my feet back into my favourite Prada heels, and left the room as quietly as I could. I walked straight into Mark as I tried to leave. I shut the door behind me, wanting to talk to him for a moment.

"Did you talk to him?" I asked, nervously wondering if punches had been thrown. They were grown men acting like teenage boys at a party: everything was solved with a few well aimed blows.

He nodded. "Yeah, I did. Only for a moment though. He made it clear we weren't friends anymore. Not that I expected that after he caught me in bed with his wife," he said, a sexy smirk on his face, "but I told him I loved you, Addie. He didn't look particularly happy with that, but he never exploded."

I shook my head, exhaling heavily, "I didn't expect him to. He's got a girlfriend here. He doesn't care about me anymore. It doesn't matter to him that someone else loves me." I'd heard Mark say it a thousand times or more. I knew he thought he loved me. It was just, every time I knew there was a girl with him on the other end of the phone it was a little hard to believe. But then he'd do something like this; hug me, and tell me it's alright.

He took me into his arms, "He never deserved you, Addie." I rested my head on his chest and breathed in the scent of his cologne. "I wish this didn't have to happen now. Not with Larissa here like this. God, Addie, what am I going to do if she doesn't get better?"

I felt a single tear escape before I could blink it back. It seeped into the fabric of Mark's shirt, spreading into the fibres. His hand stroked my hair, running down the back of my head. "I don't know what we're going to do," I said, placing the mildest emphasis on the word 'we'. I wondered, sometimes, how someone could be so loving and yet come off as so selfish.

"It'll be ok," he whispered as they broke apart and he went into Larissa's room. I sighed as I walked away. It was great to hear him attempt to make me feel better, but I remembered what it was like on the plane. He needed reassurance as much as I did.

"Coffee, black, please," I said to the man at the coffee cart as woman walked up wearing dark blue scrubs under her lab coat. She was pretty; dark blonde hair, a bounce in her step.

"Long day?" she asked, hearing my order.

"Yeah," I sighed, checking the name on her lab coat. "Grey – are you related in any way to Ellis Grey?"

The woman smiled, "Yeah, she's my mother," she held out her hand as she accepted her coffee from coffee cart man. "Meredith Grey, I'm in neuro."

Derek's department. Ugh. I shook her hand, "Addison Montgomery."

"You're the neo-natal surgeon that trained Izzie! Sorry, Dr. Stevens. She's my roommate!"

"Oh, wow!" I smiled, liking this girl in spite of her connection to Derek's specialty. It really was a small world.

"So how come you're here?" she asked conversationally, "Interesting case?"

I took a sip of my coffee, and bit my tongue. It was too hot. "Actually, I'm here with my daughter. I know Richard Webber, and he's performing surgery on her as a favour to my – Mark and me this afternoon."

Meredith's face looked sad, "How old is your daughter?" she asked, "Is she going to be alright?"

"Her name is Larissa. She's six. She has autosomal recessive polycystic kidney disease," I said, robotically repeating what Richard had said to us earlier.

"I'm sorry," Meredith said as her pager went off. "It's been nice talking to you," she smiled as she hurried away.

She was a sweet young thing, and Ellis Grey's daughter too. Wow. I turned and headed back to Larissa's room. Back to Mark.

* * *

Maybelline&SillyBilly 


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys... sorry this has been so much later than the other updates. Maybelline and I have been really busy with school and stuff lately.

So right about now some Lexzie is going to start being included in the story. It's obviously always going to be Maddison-centered, but there will be a little bit of fun Lexzie stuff happening in the background, just to break it up. Hope you enjoy... xo.

* * *

Chapter 6 – Trust Me. Mark POV.

* * *

Stalking aimlessly through the halls of Seattle Grace, I try to make my way around, still shaken to the core from my encounter with Derek. He's here in Seattle; after seven long years, my best friend, and Addison's husband, is here. 

I've been anticipating this day for as long as I can remember, but a small part of me seemed to think it would never come. The many words left unsaid and the many issues left unsolved rush through the depths of my mind as I try to navigate through the hospital's foreign layout. Our reunion plays over and over, and I can't help but contemplate how differently it could have transpired.

He's Derek. The man who ignored the fact that I had always been in love with Addison, and chose to marry her anyways. The one who forgot he had the perfect woman, leaving her sitting alone at a two-person dinner table more times than I could count. The one who packed up and left, disappearing for seven years, without even giving Addison an hour to explain herself. The one responsible for shattering her, leaving her broken. He's Derek, the asshole who didn't even have the decency to allow his wife to become his ex and move on with her life.

But at the same time, he's also the man whose name I still associate with being my best friend, my college roommate, and my family. The one I met on the first day of kindergarten when I was six years old. The one whose family I spent every Thanksgiving and Christmas with. Every memory I have of my childhood, of my whole life before the age 25, Derek is in. From pulling seemingly-funny pranks on our sixth grade teacher, to cutting our AP Bio class to go make-out with our girlfriends behind the courts at our high school, to getting so drunk the night we learned we'd gotten into Med. School we woke up in a ditch the next morning with massive headaches and no traces of our memories, we had been Mark and Derek.

It seemed so surreal, staring into the eyes of my old friend, as if the seven long years it had been since we'd spoken had dissipated into mere days. It was strange; externally, nothing had changed. Admittedly, we had both aged a bit, now adorned with slight laugh lines and graying temples, but we still appeared to be the same. We were still Mark and Derek.

So when he finally turned to me, the speech I had internally prepared for the day I finally saw him again had evaded me, every hate-filled word washed away upon receiving brief flashes of childhood memories. I wanted so badly just to yell at him, to kick his ass, tell him I hated him for what he did to Addison, anything. But I couldn't.

I'm not sure what it was, the stress of Larissa's recent diagnosis or the way his eyes clouded with pain when he cast them over me, but I was never quite able to conjure up the amount of rage I guessed would have come all too naturally once I was finally in this situation; all I could do was stand there and ask him how we had gotten here. How we had stopped being Mark and Derek and all of a sudden became these strangers fighting over the same woman, obligated to hate each other.

"You slept with my wife! You have a baby, with _my_ wife! Our friendship is over, Mark. It was over a long time ago."

His words still sliced through me, although I expected no different. Our friendship _had _been over the day before he left New York, I knew that, but hearing them said with such finality was a shock to the system that I couldn't explain. Maybe that's why Addison and I, despite her still being legally married, hadn't made the strongest attempts to locate Derek. Neither of us wanted to hear that he was done with us. Neither of us wanted to accept that Derek had moved on with his life and left us both behind.

Running a hand through my hair, letting my fingertips dig roughly into my scalp, I attempted to decide what to do with myself. I wanted so badly just to go see Larissa and Addison, but I'm in no state. I lost my best friend, and now I may lose my daughter; I'm barely keeping myself pieced together, and seeing my daughter looking so uncharacteristically lifeless right now would be what shatters me. I can't think about it anymore. I need something to distract myself, to push it out of my mind, at least until I can obtain a better grip on things.

Still meandering, I suddenly come across the hospital's OR Board, and decide to take a look, if not for a lack of anything else to do. Scanning the white board, I sink my teeth hard into my bottom lip as the surgery scheduled for "Montgomery-Sloane, L." catches the corner of my eye. I can't think about this right now; I can't even read her name. My eyes scan further south as I see a cleft palette scheduled in a few minutes with Dr. A. Karev. Trying to place where I have heard the name briefly, I realize this Dr. Karev must be Alex Karev, the new plastics hot-shot from Seattle I've been hearing so much about. So, this is his hospital… with Derek and Webber as well, Seattle Grace seems to have accumulated some pretty big talent.

Alex Karev had a generated a pretty big buzz for himself recently, rumored to be "the next big thing" in plastics. It wasn't rare back in New York to see a VIP patient or two flown out to Seattle for his treatment. I had always been curious to see some of his work, and as luck may have it, he was momentarily doing surgery just down the hall. Anxious to see if this Dr. Karev lived up to his reputation, I decided to head down to his OR and scrub in along with him. A surgery was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of the last 24 hours of my life right now.

* * *

Making my way to OR2 from the signs fastened to the walls, I push the door to the scrub room open to find a young doctor, clad in navy scrubs and cap, standing over the sink. 

"Excuse me, are you Doctor Karev?" I ask, assuming this must be him.

"That's me," he replied hastily, not bothering to look up from the water rushing against his palms as he continued his scrub-in.

"I noticed you were doing a cleft palette today," I start.

"Then you should know that I'm _just_ about to start. If you'd like to make an appointment, go see Meghan, she's at the desk out there, and she'll try to fit you in."

This guy is hilarious. Cocky, arrogant: he reminds me of, well, me. Maybe he does have the potential to be the next Mark Sloane after all. Granted, he's got some big shoes to fill, but the attitude is certainly right. "I'm sorry," I start, a sly smile playing at my lips, knowing this is going to be fun, "allow me to introduce myself. I'm Dr. Sloane."

His hands still their movement as he hears me utter my name, immediately tearing himself away from the sink for the first time since I'd entered the room. "Doctor Mark Sloane!? As in, the plastic surgeon Dr. Mark Sloane?" His eyes meet mine, pained with guilt and utter shock.

"That's me," I grin, mimicking his earlier comment. I study the attending in front of me, his whole demeanor now completely changed, arrogance melted away into embarrassment. I try to bite back a smile; I knew this would be fun.

"It's an honor to have you in my OR Doctor Sloane," he gushes, and the look on his face is absolutely priceless. He resembles a child staring through the window of a toy store at a brand new bicycle he can't afford. "You're kind of a celebrity in the plastics world."

"Well, I could say the same thing about you Dr. Karev. I've been hearing about you all the way back in New York," I say, raising an eyebrow. "I thought since I happened to be in Seattle, I'd stop in and see what all the fuss was about."

I see the corners of his lips pull up into a smirk upon receiving the compliment. "Well if you'd care to stay, I'd love to show you. Like I said, I'm just about to start," he answers, gesturing towards the door before sinking his hands back under the rushing water. "What brings you to Seattle?"

I tense at the question, and try to find the easiest way to answer, realizing it will be the first time I truly have to say out loud. "My daughter, she's sick. And your Chief of Surgery is an old friend of my girlfriend's, so we brought her here for the surgery," I rush out in as little words as possible.

I see his face contort with confusion and pity, and he uncomfortably attempts to answer. "Oh, I'm sorry…"

I cut him off, desperate to change the subject I came here in the first place to forget. "Her surgery is this afternoon, and I need to distract myself from it. I find the best way to do that is through work, so if it's okay with you Dr. Karev, I'd like to scrub in."

He finishes washing his hands and holds them up, seeming a little shell-shocked still from my presence in his scrub room. "That's no problem at all Doctor Sloane. But our patient has already been prepped, so I have to get started. I'll see you in there," he says, nodding at me before pushing the door to the OR open and disappearing behind it.

I quickly tie a scrub cap on and step before the sink, anxiously beginning my five minute scrub. Through the glass, I watch the anesthesiologist put the patient down as I furiously thrash the soap against my hands.

By the time I make it inside the OR, Karev's already made the first incision. Standing behind him, I peek over the shorter man's shoulder and watch him work, already thoroughly impressed. He manipulates the surgical tools in his hands inside the patient's upper lip, operating with such a natural ease it almost seems he could do just as well with his eyes closed. He's good, definatly the best I've seen in a long time. As I continue to watch, the fact that he's only 35 dawns on me, although he works like he's been in this business forever. This kid is going places; even I wasn't this good at 35.

Noticing me standing over his shoulder, Karev turns to face me. "Doctor Sloane, would you like to take over?"

I accept the tools as he steps to the side, anxious to operate. The next hour flies by as we finish the surgery, the intense concentration on our patient leaving me temporarily unable to focus on anything else.

* * *

"So, the rumors are true." 

Alex's eyes darted up momentarily from the black coffee he was previously adding sugar to. "What rumors?" he questions.

I replace the lid on my own coffee, raising it to my lips to take in the much needed caffeine. Leaning against the coffee stand, I pause to take a look around at Seattle Grace's cafeteria. We had finished the surgery, which had gone perfectly, a few moments ago before making our way here.

I smirk when he asks what I am alluding to. "You really are the next Mark Sloane."

Alex looks down again, grinning into his coffee, only a shy step away from blushing. He tries to laugh off my compliment and busies himself by taking a drink. "I'm serious, Karev," I persist. "You're the best I've seen in a long time."

"Well, if _the_ Mark Sloane tells me I'm good, I must be good," he replies, starting to make his way towards a nearby table.

"Damn straight," I retort, following him and sinking down into a chair, happy to finally be able to relax. "You know, that surgery was pretty damn near perfect job, if I do say so myself."

"Oh dude, we kicked ass in there," he nodded in agreement, gulping his coffee again.

"We make a pretty good team, you and me. Have you ever considered moving to New York? I can't imagine you see much action out here," I say, even though I know full well it's a lie; I know about his VIP patients and the other great cases this hospital sees. But I still don't get what a surgeon like Karev sees in this dreary little town.

"I have," he nods. "I would have moved a long time ago, but, well, it's a long story," he trails off.

I really do like Alex. I rarely take such a liking to people after I just meet them; actually, I rarely take a true liking to people at all, but he seems like a decent guy. "I've got time," I say, urging him to go on.

"It's kind of embarrassing. Basically, the only reason I ever stayed in Seattle is for this girl, Izzie."

"Karev, you would not believe the fucked up things I've done for women. Well, one woman," I sympathize.

He nods, sending me a half smile. "So you've put a chick before your career?"

I shake my head; he doesn't even know the half of it. "I had an affair with the wife of my best friend, in his bed, and he walked in. That's really the only reason she's my girlfriend now… I'd pretty much do anything."

He looks at me in shock for a moment, but doesn't seem to pass judgment as people often do, which surprises me. "Women," he says with admonishment, sipping his coffee.

"So you don't think she'd ever consider moving to New York?"

"Well, she did her fellowship in New York before, but now she's back, and we just got back together. I don't want to fuck it up, you know?"

"It's a shame," I say, "I could certainly use you at my practice. Just remember the offer's always on the table." I can't help but press, the kids amazing. I can't even imagine the amounts of money we'd make working together.

"Thanks Dr. Sloane, I'll keep that in mind."

I try and just enjoy the silence for a moment before thoughts of this morning's events creep their way back into my mind. My curiosity eventually gets the better of me, and I have to ask:

"Do you know Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yeah, definatly," Alex nods.

"I guess that's kind of a stupid question," I chide myself. "I bet everyone around here knows Shepherd."

"True, but I mean, I know him better than most. He's dating a good friend of mine."

I nearly choke on my coffee. "Derek has a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, Meredith. They've been together for, like, ever. Since we were interns."

I don't know what I'd assumed Derek would do, but hearing that he's had a girlfriend for, at the very least, six years, shocks me. All this time, he's been living this whole life Addison and I haven't been a part of. There are so many questions I want to ask about her, most prominently if the girlfriend knows he's still married, but I somehow manage to resist.

"Oh, I see…"

"Yeah, so how do you know Derek?" Alex asks amicably. It's almost laughable, really. How do I know Derek? Now there's a question. I actually contemplate telling him for a moment, but before I can even say anything, a loud beep coming from Alex's pants disrupts the conversation.

Alex looks down, fishing a black pager out of his pocket and squinting at the small screen. "Shit, I gotta take off," he groaned, running his free hand through his hair. "Sorry about this."

"It's fine Karev," I nod, a little relieved to have dodged the question. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you around."

"Yeah. Hey, I don't know how long you're staying in town for, but I've got a few great surgeries coming up this week, so page me if you're interested," he says, already up and a few steps away from the table.

"Alright," I call out after him as I watch him jog down the hallway.

Alone again, I realize I'm ready to head up to Larissa's room now. The surgery was a good release for me, and I think I'm a bit better equipped to handle the situation. Throwing my empty coffee cup in the trash, I take a deep breath, preparing myself, and head upstairs.

* * *

After my brief encounter with Addison on the way in, I hesitantly take a seat in the small black chair beside Larissa's bed. I've watched so many people, patient's families, wait in this same chair before, feeling helpless and hopeful for the well-being of their loved ones. It never occurred to me that I could very well take their positions one day; that I'd even have someone I'd care enough about to wait on. 

I twist my body around the confines of the chair awkwardly; it feels cold, uncomfortable, and awkward against my body. Exactly like this situation, I think, chuckling as the thought crosses my mind. I've never been one for metaphors, after all.

She's asleep across from me, her face pale and an uncharacteristically frizzy red tendril falling in front of her closed eyes. Tentatively, I reached out to stroke my thumb against her cheek, wincing at the lack of warmth present there. _"Is this really happening?"_ I muse, brushing hair away from her porcelain face.

A little over 24 hours ago, I was talking to her classmates, my biggest concern being how I could lie to them about the nobility of my occupation. It seems like ages ago; that comparatively happy time seems so far away from right now. It's funny, how your whole life can just get turned upside down in a matter of mere minutes. She was happy and healthy, she was fine, and now she was being wheeled in for surgery.

I settle back in the too-small chair, thinking about the events of the past day and watching her sleep, too consumed that I don't even notice when Addison lets herself back inside with a soft click of a the door behind her.

"Hey," Addison said, pulling a chair up beside mine. "I got you a coffee."

I take it from her gratefully, taking a sip of what I think must be my sixth coffee today. "Thanks babe," I say, reaching out to catch her hand in mine.

I watch her staring at Larissa, her eyes sad, and I give her hand a small, reassuring squeeze. She turns back to me, half-smiling at the gesture, and attempts to lighten the mood. "You'll never guess who I just met at the coffee cart," she said.

"Who?" I ask. I'm genuinely curious, but also happy to be discussing something other than the fact that the orderlies are coming to wheel out daughter into surgery in just a few moments.

"Ellis Grey's daughter. She works at the hospital."

"Seriously?" I ask. "Damn, I was just thinking that Seattle Grace had some great talent, and now another Grey on top of that?" I muse. "What's she like?"

"She doesn't strike me as being similar to Ellis at all. Quite the opposite actually. Pretty, sociable, not at all cold. Her name is Meredith. She's in neuro."

I sit a little straighter in my chair upon hearing the girl's name. Meredith… it was by no means a common name, and what Alex had told me earlier flashed through my mind immediately. "Meredith?" I gasp. "Addison, around how old was she? Mid-thirties?"

"Hmm… she looked about that, I'd say. She's rooming with Dr. Stevens, so I'd assume they're around the same age. Why the sudden interest, Mark? Incase you've forgotten, you're already taken," she teased, raising a manicured eyebrow in my direction.

I brush her comment off, slightly ignoring the pang of guilt it sends shooting through me. "Addie, I think that's Derek's girlfriend," I pause, waiting for her face respond. "Today, the doctor I was working with… Karev, he said Derek had a girlfriend named Meredith. They had been dating since she was an _intern_."

Addison sighed, shaking her head. "Great. Someone else to involve in this mess."

"This really is a mess," I replied sullenly, lowering my head behind my hands.

"We must have really messed him up bad, to drive him to date an intern," Addison giggled.

"Yeah," I smiled at her, pleased she was taking the news so well, before turning back to Larissa. It effectively sobered my expression, and I glanced down at my cell: three 'o clock exactly. The orderlies would be here any minute now to prep her. Prep our _daughter_ for surgery. "Ads? What are we going to do."

She leaned forward, absently stroking Larissa's hair away from her face. "I don't know," she whispered, her voice breaking halfway through.

We sat like that for a few moments, just listening to the sound of her breathing and enjoying the time we had left together, until a young female orderly appeared at the door. Pushing a gurney in before her, she smiled sympathetically at us, her voice calm and barely audible. "Mr. and Mrs. Sloane, I'm sorry. We have to take her now."

Fear at the thought that our time was up seeped through me, fixating my body to the chair and my gaze on my daughter. Addison, on the other hand, rose, addressing the new addition to the room. "Okay," she nodded. "I just need a moment then." She bent over Larissa, her lip quivering as she kissed her forehead lightly and put her hands on either side of her head. She was terrified, an emotion rarely ever displayed by her, and it scared me to see her like this; to see her so afraid.

The sight of the gurney being wheeled beside Larissa's bed rose me from my seat as I joined Addison at her side. I ran my thumb lovingly against my daughter's cheek, knowing the chances of her not waking up from this surgery were marginally slim, but not being able to combat my fears anyway.

Addison bent over to whisper in her ear, not loud enough as to wake her, but hoping she could somehow subconsciously hear her anyways. "Remember to fight, when you get in there. I know you're scared baby, but you can do this. We love you."

We both stepped back from the bed, my arm tugging her waist closer to me as they carefully lifted her onto the gurney. Neither of us took our eyes off of her until she disappeared out the door, leaving her still-warm bed empty and unmade. We stood, staring at the door she had exited out of, for a long time. This was really happening; she was really being wheeled to an OR, right this moment.

Addison blinked, holding her eyelids closed a little longer than usual, and brought fresh tears back up when they opened. They began to fall lightly from the corners of her eyes as she stared blankly at the empty bed. The river of tears began to thicken as it brought clumps of harsh black makeup down the sides of her cheeks, and I noticed her breath sounds quickening as she let out a small gasp.

Instinctively, I reached out to catch her right before she crumbled, succumbing to gut-wrenching sobs. Brushing her hair from her face, I slowly stepped backwards to lower us into the visitor's chair I had previously occupied. Her fingers clung desperately to the lapels of my shirt, and I secured my arms tight around her shaking form, burying my face into her neck and rocking her slowly back and forth. I continued to focus all my attention on Addison; on piecing her back together, as I had done so many times before. It was easier this way; I knew how to fix Addison, I always had. It was the concept of piecing _myself_ back together that remained foreign.

So we sat, me mumbling soothing nonsense into her ear I had no idea where I found the strength to come up with, and she, crying her broken heart out painfully against my chest, neither of us able to do anything but wait.

* * *

Oh, the angst! haha... please review ♥♥♥

sillybilly&may


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry there's such a huge gap in between each update. Again, we thank you all for the reviews... and wouldn't say no to more ;)

Here is chapter seven! Enjoy.

* * *

I finally gathered myself enough to be able to breathe. I sat up, pulling away from Mark a bit. It almost didn't feel right: as much as I loved him, it felt so weird all of a sudden to be in his arms and letting him comfort me. "I've got to, um, go to the bathroom," I said quietly. He kissed my forehead, as if trying to get me to stay. I stood and smoothed out my perfectly pressed clothes, automatically checking for wrinkles in the expensive fabric.

I didn't dare look at him as I removed myself from the hospital room. I wandered down the halls, not entirely sure where I was going but just let my feet carry me where they pleased. The took me to the OR where I knew Larissa had gone.

"Richard," I said, chasing him into the scrub room, "I need scrubs, I want to come in." I waited expectantly for the scrubs I was sure he'd give me.

"Addison, you can't come in to your daughter's surgery. We're opening her up. I don't want you in there. I have no idea what we're going to be able to do, and I'm not letting you in there."

Pfft.

"We let husbands in for their wives' C-Sections," I argued.

"Addison. For your own good, you are not allowed in the OR."

"Please?" I could feel a whine coming into my voice. "Richard, she's my baby, I want to be there."

"You will be there when she gets out. Go find Mark, have a cup of coffee," he said, drying his hands.

"I'm going to go sit in the gallery," I realized after I said it I probably shouldn't have, because he looked like he was going to say no. I mentally kicked myself.

He looked thoroughly exasperated now. "Addison, I really don't want to call security on you."

I sighed, and cast one last look, defeated, at my baby still sleeping on the table. "Take care of her, Richard," I said softly. Without waiting for an answer, I walked away, looking for Mark again. Instead, my feet lead me this time to the NICU.

I stepped into the calming bath of warm light that was the NICU, looking around at three tiny babies in their incubators. A blonde woman in a pristine white lab coat looked up from writing something on a chart. "Addison!" she said softly when she recognized me.

I crossed the room to give her a hug. "I hear you're heading up your own department now, Izzie."

"That I am. So how are you? We haven't spoken since I came back to Seattle. What brings you all the way out here, anyway?"

I chose to ignore her question of how I was. I honestly had no idea. Not beyond scared as hell. "My daughter's having surgery right now. Richard's doing me a favour."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Izzie said. She didn't ask why, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Who is this?" I asked, gesturing to the sleeping baby in the incubator to our left.

"Sapphire Robinson," she said, her face brightening as it had every day in New York when we'd discussed our miniature charges. "She's quite healthy, just six weeks premature. That's the only reason she's here."

She moved to the next incubator, where a tiny baby was squirming around. "Fetal alcohol," I said sadly.

"Yeah. Mother came was brought into the emergency room in a squad car, arrested for public drunkenness. Isn't that disgusting?"

"It makes me sick," I said, biting my lower lip. "I just don't understand how people can do that to themselves, let alone a tiny life that they're wholly responsible for. Like, how do you hurt _this_?" I asked. The little girl had been cheated of her chance at life.

"I don't think she'll make it," Izzie whispered, resting a hand on the top of the incubator. "She's too small. Too hurt."

The silence was interrupted by a feeble wail from the third incubator. "Nolan!" Izzie said, hurrying over. "He had a heart transplant yesterday afternoon. I was starting to worry that he wasn't going to wake up. But here we are!"

I watched as she busied herself checking his vitals and making sure he was comfortable. I remember when Larissa was that small; so tiny and helpless. She was like that again now. There was nothing I could do except sit there with her, let her clasp her miniature hand around my comparatively huge pinkie finger.

"So do you want to go get a coffee?" Izzie asked, putting her stethoscope around the back of her neck. "We've got a lot to catch up on."

"I'd love to, but maybe tomorrow or something. Not only have I had way too much coffee, but I've got to go find Mark. I left without explaining where I was going… and I think I should go find him."

"Ok," Izzie said. "So you're still with him? Hot shot plastic surgeon that he is?"

I couldn't help but laughed, "Yeah. He's here with Larissa and me."

"I'm glad he's still around. Just hearing about his reputation gave me doubts," she paused, "I'm glad Alex isn't like that."

"Alex?" I asked, curious about this new person I'd never heard about.

"My boyfriend. He's in plastics, and more in love with Mark Sloan than he is with me," she joked.

I laughed again. I missed having this bubbly woman around. "I'm happy for you. We should go out to eat one night."

"Yeah, we should," she smiled.

"Anyway, I'm going to get going. See you later."

"Bye, Addison."

I found Mark exactly where I thought he'd be. He was still in Larissa's room, his head in his hands in the chair where I left him. "Mark?" I said very softly. He looked up, and I was surprised to see his eyes red and tear tracks fresh down his cheeks. I hesitantly went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. It was my turn to be strong.

He stood up and I enveloped him in a hug as best I could. He hugged me back, and I felt him let out a heavy sigh. He placed his chin on the top of my head as I rested my cheek against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. "She'll be ok," I whispered.

"I know," he said. "It's just stressful. My baby girl is in surgery."

There was a knock at the door, and Larissa was rolled in on her bed, still hooked up to a ventilator. She was pale and a lock of hair fell in a shock across her cheek. She almost didn't look real. A porcelain doll in a hospital gown… somehow, I don't think that that one would ever sell in stores. I looked at the intern to try and tell how the surgery went, but his expression was too difficult to read.

Richard appeared at the door and nodded for us to follow him.

"Sit down, please," he said as we entered his office. We sat. I reached for Mark's hand and held it tightly. This wouldn't be good news.

"The cysts are too massive," he said, "We couldn't remove them without seriously damaging her kidneys beyond repair."

I felt my face crumple. How could we have missed this? How could I have missed this? I'm a world renowned surgeon and I can't even catch a disease in my six year old daughter.

"What – what's going to happen now?" I asked.

"We have to get her a kidney transplant. It would be fastest if one of you two were compatible."

"We'll get tested," I sighed. I looked over at Mark, who was sitting in the chair next to me looking shocked.

"She's going to be fine," Richard said, looking at Mark very closely, "Once we get her a kidney, she's going to be just fine."

"Is she really going to be 'just fine'?" he asked, "because flying out here, I told myself that everything was going to be ok. I told Addison it was going to be fine. And right now, it's most definitely not fine. She just came out of surgery; an unsuccessful surgery. And now she has to have another one. Not fine."

I gripped his hand and felt tears come to my eyes as I listened to him voice the words that had been playing over and over in my head for days. I fought to blink them back, but one escaped anyway, running a single lonely path down my cheek. The tear was quickly followed by all of the 'what if's' that could possibly happen.

What if neither of us was compatible with her? Then we'd have to look for another donor, and that could take months, even years. She couldn't wait that long. I didn't want her to have to wait that long. She's six years old, for God's sake. She's supposed to be out with her friends, playing and being a kid.

What if we couldn't get a donor? What if the PKD was too far advanced? I gulped and tried to force the last thought out of my mind.

_What if she died?_

"Addison?" I heard my name.

"Yeah?" I said hoarsely, blinking through cloudy tears to see Richard and Mark both staring at me.

"Are you alright?" Richard asked gently.

"Yeah, fine. I'm good," I wiped away the tears before they could smudge any of the remaining makeup.

Mark took my head gently in one hand and pulled me to his chest, slowly rubbing my back. I pulled away. "I can't right now," I bit my lip and stood up, "I've got to see if I'm compatible with Larissa." I half ran out of the room, not hearing the door slam against the wall, nor Mark calling my name.

I went found myself once more in the NICU, this time completely alone. I sat down next to Sapphire. I let her grip my finger and I thought about her struggle to live.

I don't know how long I sat there for before a nurse came in and threatened to kick me out. "What authorization do you have to be here?" she asked, looking annoyed.

"None," I said quietly, standing up and exiting the room. I didn't bother explaining that I was a surgeon. I sure didn't feel like one. I wished I could hold a scalpel in my hands right now. In the OR, I had the power and the control over lives. I knew exactly what I was going to do; exactly what procedure to follow. There was always a next step to take; always a finite ending.

It was rare that I found myself in a situation going, "What now?" I rarely looked around for an authority figure telling me what to do. I didn't need anyone helping me cope. In the OR, I was the authority figure. I was the teacher. I was the one helping everyone else cope. But I couldn't do that now. I had no idea what to do. No idea how to help my baby girl.

I ended up in her room. She was still asleep, breathing softly, her brilliant red curls cascading over the pillow. I put my head down on the edge of her bed, and fell into an exhausted sleep.

---

"Addison."

I shrugged the hand off my shoulder.

"Addison," the voice was more insistent.

Annoyed, I opened my eyes, and to my great surprise, there was Derek. "Hi," I said after a moment that was filled with scepticism. Earlier he was yelling, now he's in my daughter's room, shaking me awake. I glanced over at Larissa's sleeping form and suddenly felt insanely protective of her. "What do you want?" I asked, perhaps a little more sharply than intended.

"Nothing," he said, "I just came to apologize for earlier. You don't need this right now. How's Larissa doing?"

"She needs a kidney transplant," I said, "She's as fine as can be expected." This reply was a little gentler now that I knew he wasn't here to hurt me again. I reached out a hand and gently brushed her brilliant spirals.

"She's beautiful," Derek said, "looks just like her mother."

"Thanks," I said awkwardly.

We sat in silence.

Finally, he spoke again, "I'm sorry I just disappeared. I know that must have been difficult."

"Yeah, well, I had Mark," I didn't really want him to know exactly how hard his abandoning me had been.

"I'm sure you did," he said, the bitterness returning to his voice as he stood up to leave.

"No!" I exclaimed and he halted. Larissa stirred, but luckily did not wake. "Derek, trust me, it wasn't like that. He was there for me, helping me pick up the pieces you left behind. It wasn't like I forgot about you or anything like that. I think about you everyday, Derek. You were in my life for more than eleven years. Do you know how difficult it was for you to just vanish?"

"I'm sorry," was all he could say. I don't think that he ever really thought about the fact that while I hurt him, he hurt me so badly even before… in a deeper way than he could ever imagine. Granted, it was often difficult to recall why I'd married him; what I'd loved about him, especially loving mark the way I do.

"Do you want to sign those divorce papers sometime soon?" I asked to break the silence. I looked down at the chipped '_dusty rose' _paint on my usually perfect nails.

"I think it would be for the best," he said, getting up once more. "I really do hope everything works out. She'll be ok."

I smiled at the floor and listened to the click of the handle as he opened the door. "Do you love her?" I asked.

"What?" he stopped dead, his back still to me.

"Do you love Meredith?" I repeated, "Are you happy?"

"You found out," he said.

"I admit, I never thought you'd date an intern, or Ellis Grey's daughter for that matter," I smiled, to show I was half joking.

He chuckled, "Well, she's not an intern anymore," he turned to leave. His back to me once again, he finally answered my questions, "Yes, and yes."

---

"There we go," the intern said nervously as he gently stuck a band-aid on my arm where he'd drawn my blood. I glanced over at Mark who was completely occupied flirting with the pretty young intern who had just drawn his blood. He needs a neon sign that says 'stay away, I'm a manwhore'. She twirled her hair and laughed a little too loudly at whatever joke Mark had just told her.

I got up and put my hand on Mark's shoulder. He barely noticed, and paid me no attention. I bit my lip and choked back whatever tears might try to spill before looking the girl in the eye as I spoke to Mark, "Come on, honey, let's go see how Larissa's doing."

I felt a mix of guilt and pleasure as I watched her face fall. I never used to be this person; so spiteful. I suppose though, that we do what we can with what we have to get whatever it is we need.

She looked at the floor, "The results will take twenty-four hours."

"Thank-you," I said, a little too sweetly before taking Mark's hand firmly and leaving the room.

Once outside Larissa's room, I turned to him and said in a hiss that was almost a whisper, "Your daughter is very sick, and you're flirting with interns. Grow up."

* * *

May&Sillybilly 


End file.
